To Diet or NOT To Diet, That is the Question

From day one of the Rock's autism diagnosis I have been asked the question "Do you have him on one of those special diet's?". The special diet I'm talking about is no Casein or Whey, basically no dairy products. I would answer with "No, I haven't felt that that is what we need to do at this time." Everyone has an opinion on both sides of the fence, and many have seen miracles happen when this diet is followed. Six months ago I took the Rock to an allergist to see if he had food allergies that were affecting him. This prick test was a negative on everything. So, I let it go. A month ago I went to a new pediatrician, and he wanted to do some tests and then make a plan for my son. "A PLAN? WOW!" My other pediatrician didn't even have it noticeable on his chart so every time I went in I had to explain that the Rock was autistic, seriously NOT cool, I've been to the doctor a few times (wink, wink). So after a number of tests we have some results, telling us that the Rock's body is on the low end of Vitamin D, very low in Iron and is producing extreme amounts of antibodies to fight the casein and whey in his system. So? We are going off milk! This is a big deal because it breaks my heart to take away something that is a staple in his diet when not much else is. I do feel that this is something we can take on and see if it will make a difference. Before today I wasn't ready to climb this mountain, but because today I am, it makes me feel like this is the right choice. You have to follow that still small voice and then you will feel PEACE. Mark the calendar! January 29, 2011 Let's watch and see if anything changes.

Beauty Tips by Audrey Hepburn

"For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his/her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived, reclaimed,

and redeemed; never throw out anyone.

Remember, if you ever need a helping hand,

you will find one at the end of each of your arms.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself,

and the other for helping others.”

I appreciate my sister (from another mister) who shared this with me. They are beautiful words that remind us of little things that really matter. In a world of udder chaos when it comes to looks and the status quo, this is what I wish was playing on the radio, commercials on TV and articles on the magazines. Hope it gives you a little bit of peace.

Hands in the Air, Wavem' like you just don't care

Last week the boys were sick for a few days and I did admit that it was a little bit bliss, BUT now I've been sick for a week and its just not fair. I know, I know life's not fair. Seriously moms really shouldn't get sick it's just not right. I tried to convince myself I wasn't that sick and just keep moving at the regular, slightly slower pace, but by yesterday I was dead to the world and the kiddos had to pick me up. I had to just throw my hands in the air and surrendered. The kiddos came through, a miracle. You should have seen Punky take charge. That girl is wonderful and such a blessing. I wish I had a picture of me and the boys asleep on the LovSac by 6pm. (don't worry I was in and out to make sure all was well) All is well and hopefully very soon I will be back on track. Thanks to all the helpers who picked up all the pieces and gave me PEACE.

Thank YOU help!!

We are all blessed in different ways. Many of you may not feel blessed when you have people come stay with you or even move in, but for me it brings peace. Yes, life changes a bit. You can't go running around naky any more, but really who does that any way? Well I know who does and be careful I might name names.

We have been blessed to have our brother come live with us. This man is a wonderful person with so much love within he has to share it with all of us. We had been begging him for years (it seemed like) to move in but it wasn't the time until now. Now we are so happy to have him with us and hope he stays for a while. We hope all the crazy pieces of our lives don't chase him away......because honestly sometimes I'm ready to run away. (don't worry I don't go very far :)

I hope you can find peace with some of the different ways you are blessed. Thanks Bro for bringing peace into our lives.

working PEACE

Punky says "Mom why are you so happy?"

I say "I don't know, because I'm being a good mom and working."

Let me paint the picture. Taz is playing Wii (having a great time and I am helping him from time to time). Punky is doing her homework all by herself (a miracle). The Rock is sleeping and has been all day with a high fever. Spunky at a friends house (a rare occurrence at our house also a miracle). Heman is off saving the world in Jersey. I am busy helping every one and working at the same time. I felt great, I felt at PEACE with all the different pieces of our lives.

For me being productive and accomplishing tasks is magical. It makes me feel alive and powerful. Although I totally hated that the Rock was sick, I also wasn't feeling guilty about doing everything else and not playing therapy for him. I didn't have to fix dinner because no one cared if we had it until later. Every one's needs and desires were met and I was guilt free, MIRACLE.........PEACE!

a new year, a new day, a new piece, a new peace

I am revamping this blog and although it will have the same updates and insights into our lives, it will also have a new focus......PEACE. I need to see the peace that is given to all of us. I've accepted that the trials don't stop, they don't get easier they just get different and "Added Upon" (a book my father gave me at a younger age). I woke up this morning distraught with sadness and confusion. (when I mention these things I don't always need an "I'm sorry" just keep reading to find the peace I find) Although I can't change the destruction and poison of others I can choose how to handle it. I'm still now sure on the final decision right now, but I do know one thing (the peace)........... GOD LIVES, JESUS IS THE CHRIST AND THERE IS A GREATER PURPOSE TO ALL OF THIS! I spent a lot of time being mad at God and not wanting to go through the things he sees fit to give me. I question him and the purpose and the meaning and yet that is the actual thing that keeps me grounded. Because no matter how mad, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, confused and angry I am, the thought always comes to me "If you are mad at God, you must still know he is there." Among all the bad feelings come the miracles everyday, you know the ones I have talked about the last year, and they are numerous. 13 years ago I sat with Elder Neal A. Maxwell and listened to him tell us not to ask "Why" because it is a form of doubting God. I use to think that doubt and faith could not coexist. I now think that sometimes faith is just one step in front of the other with or without doubt. The faith to keep moving through is all I have sometimes. All I have is the words above and no other explanation as to "Why" or "What will be", BUT those words do give peace to me. I love he loves me some how, some way. I have and do continually feel the love of God everyday.

dark or closed spaces

The Rock has found some new tricks to either play with us, help him regulate, or for who knows what reason. The blanket is played like peek-a-boo. He will sometimes bring his blanket to me and try to put it over my head. He sometimes like to get under the blanket with me. We just sit with each other and he touches my face, sometimes giggles. The blanket is also used to cover himself completely at bed time or in the car. This scares me at bed time, but if I pull it down he puts it right back where it was. He's figured out something that works for him. The cupboard is a new one and makes me laugh. I know all my kids have done this at one time or another but I can't remember the Rock doing it until now. He just enjoys the dark and usually takes his trusted Elmo with him. Thank you to all of our sweet family and friends who let us take toys home with us, because the uncontrolled outburst that comes when leaving a beloved toy behind becomes too hard to bear. Elmo is one of these generous acts of kindness and is a daily loved toy.

Catch uP

I haven't been great about keeping up with anything lately. Here is life at a glance the last month or so. Punky won reflections for her awesome wave sculpture (that Aunt Jessie taught her how to do). The title of her work was "Together We Can make a wave of PEACE" She sculpted a wave and painted in blue with white caps and a Peace sign on the top of the wave. We are very excited for this accomplishment. Way to go Punky! Spunky finally got to try her feet at soccer this fall and she loved it! She was as we knew she would be, very aggressive and relentless with 100% effort. When her coached asked them to warm up for practice by running 5 laps she said "Only 5? Why not 10?" (i'm not kidding) She of course asked to play on a coed team, no boy or girl was too much of a match for her. She's a tough one. So glad she's bought into our family motto "Dickinsons don't quit!" when she was beaten and bruised a few times. She had a wonderful time and is now missing it. We all had a fun time watching her play and actually look forward to springtime soccer. I was so glad that the weather was great for every game but two. Tender mercies!!!! Taz continues to be "TAZ" as he so calmly tries to pick something up from under the table and runs his eye right into the round, glass table and pops open the side of his eye lid. Yep! Three stitches later he ended up looking like this. Taz is having a great time at preschool and hopefully learning a ton. Hopefully is my answer because he seems to not be able to remember anything. I'm pretty sure it's all jumbled in his brain somewhere, just waiting to regergitate it to me someday. He is starting to be a bit more articulate at times and this is just melts my heart......for a moment. After writing this I remember why it's so important for me to write, it reminds me what's so wonderful about being a mom. It's easy to forget the reasons that make it all worth it. I love my kids! especially when they are sleeping.

Time FLYS.....

when you are crazy busy with what's that thing called? Oh yeah!

LIFE

I cannot believe it's been a year since the Rock's diagnosis. Oh how we have become so used to traveling to Lehi every few days for therapy and having therapists in our home. I cannot believe that in just two months my baby will go to preschool AND possibly ride a bus. I say possibly because right now the thought of putting my baby on a bus makes we want to throw up. There are so very good discussions both ways and I will just wait and see. I still have two months to decide. The Rock will have a brain wave hearing test done this month to make sure he can hear completely. He has now failed his hearing test 3 times. We know he can hear, we just want to know to what degree. It will most likely turn out great, but it will also be great to have definite answers. With autism there are so many things that are not definite that it will be great to have some solid info one way or another. Nursery time is getting better and better. I think the routine is settling in with him. He is now joining the group for snack at the table (miracle 1), today he smiled during singing time (miracle 2) and made it through without his trusted huge dinosaur (miracle 3). I am so grateful for such wonderful teachers who understand that these little things are miracles and make a point of telling me and celebrating with us. (miracle 4) Seriously when you see these little things as miracles you can't help but be in awe. (side note: Of course it IS difficult to remember these when you are totally exhausted from all the other things that I can't possible write because it would take forever)

MaMa!!

I can't believe I haven't posted this amazing news yet......At the beginning of November the Rock was in his class. When class was over his teacher knew I was down the hall so she was bringing him to me. As they got close the Rock reached out to me and .........said.........MaMa! This is the first time he has ever seemed to call me anything. This was such a wonderful moment. I snatched him up and squeezed him as I cried. My heart goes out to all you moms that haven't heard these beautiful words from your child. Now that I've tasted the magic of being his MaMa I want to hear it again. In time I'm I know I will, some day soon. The Rock has learned to play a matching game with our family photos. This game is just a means to teaching him to talk and in some way know our names. As he plays this game he will sometimes look at the picture, repeat the name and then if the person is with him he will look at that person. He's getting it!!! Little by little we are conquering. My favorite sound he makes is for Punky's name. He sticks his tongue out and as if he is licking his lips back and forth he makes the "L" sound. It is so adorable. It happens so fast I don't have video to share, sorry.