The older The Rock gets the more often I find it necessary to tell people he has autism. At the park the kids notice he doesn't talk and ask me why. Other kids ask him questions and he ignores them they ask why. Adults ask him how old he is and he won't look at them. When he was younger he could get away with this behavior and people would wave it off. Now it's not that simple. Sometimes I need to tell people he has autism for his safety. Most of the time I tell someone the Rock has autism I brace myself for impact because the "conversation plane" is about to crash.
Here are my top 5 common responses when I tell someone "My so has autism" AND what I wish I could say (only sometimes, sarcasm helps) and how I actually politely reply.
#5 "I'm sorry" with a frown
WISH~ "I'm NOT he's the most amazing blessing in my life. I'm sorry YOU weren't special enough for him to be yours."
ACTUAL~ "He's an amazing boy!"
#4 "oh, awesome. Not that it's awesome he's autistic."
WISH~ "Yeah, let me tell you what IS awesome! Watching you squirm." Jk that's mean and I'm too nice but sometimes I wish I could say that. Most of the time people just don't know what to say. I've done this myself. Ugh!
ACTUAL~ "You're right he is awesome!"
#3 "How did you know?"
WISH~ "He told me, duh?" or "I took a quiz online and diagnosis him myself."
ACTUAL~ "Two near death experiences and a lot of other signs" sometimes I share THE story if they ask more.
#2 "He doesn't look autistic."
WISH~ "You just can't see the mark right now. Ill show you later." Autism doesn't have "a look" and the spectrum is wide. When you say this it comes across as an accusation that the parent, doctors and specialists are wrong and you know more than anyone.
ACTUAL~ "He's beautiful and/or perfect!"
#1Common Response and the one I hate the most. Not the person just the question. "How autistic is he?" or "We'll he's high function right?" What if he's not high functioning and you just stuck your foot in your mouth again AND you rubbed salt into an open emotional wound.
WISH~ "You tell me, he doesn't speak independently, we've never had a conversation, he whines or screams at me for the last to help him and its a guessing game all day (that I rock at, NOW), he's constantly in danger if I let him get out of my sight for more than 5 min., he doesn't play with friends, he obsesses over movie trailers, he gags at most foods." On and on I could go.
ACTUAL~"mildly severe still learning to talk although he rocks at swimming, climbing and jumping." It's ok to focus on the positive. Our kiddos need to hear us talk about their talents and praise them. It feeds their spirits when we do.
Here's some suggested responses, that I'm grateful to hear on very very rare occasions, therefore not on the "common" response list.
"He looks like a great kid!"
"He's a cute kid."
"You're a lucky mom, he's special."
Give any other kind of compliment. We are all fighting a tough battle and we can use all the encourage we can give one another. Inspire one another by focusing on the positive. This quote is a good one.
"You're a lucky mom, he's special."
Give any other kind of compliment. We are all fighting a tough battle and we can use all the encourage we can give one another. Inspire one another by focusing on the positive. This quote is a good one.
