you know you're a M.O.M. when....

.....the feeling that you're failing won't leave you alone.

I don't know why this comes with motherhood, but it does. I say ENOUGH! :) (throwing my fist down on the table)

We don't need to feel this way! We are good, strong, loving women who are just trying to do our absolute best and by gone it (what my Nana says) that's ENOUGH! :) (I'm now convincing myself)
I mean what more than our best could we expect to do? I don't know a woman out there who isn't fighting a good fight for her family (whatever shape or size it is). As a M.O.M. to YOU this is me wrapping my arms around you (in my bathing suit, jk) and saying

"YOU ARE ENOUGH 

and by gone it 

YOU ARE DOING GREAT!"

If found this card (picture) in one of my favorite sweet shops in town and loved the quote so much I had to have to share with others. I may not be next door to you or even a phone call away, but I am here to share my support and love and to be your clan, network, tribe and family. Thank you for you comments and support. We all NEED one to lift each other up and tell each other we're enough.

progress not measured

It's that time of year when we all go to Parent Teacher Conferences, Ugh!! This has never been fun for me. I work my a$% off every day as a mother and then I get measured by teachers. I know it's not about me, but when your child does not do well in school, it's about you. Not really but that's how I feel, anyone else? I just want the kids to go to school, do their best and come home and do something they are really good at, such as rock climbing, swimming, video games, running, singing, dancing, drawing and everything else. So here's the progress measured and not measured.......

Punky is starting middle school next year and has a hard time remembering just about everything. She is an amazing story teller, especially to us about how she did her homework and turned it in (but that all happens in fantasy land not reality). I believe she can be a renowned novelist or actress, she's that believable. She keeps getting asked to be on the competition team in rock climbing, but she doesn't want to, but she's really good.

Spunky had to change teachers and is enjoying school instead of crying every day because she thinks her teacher thinks she's stupid. She's able to do most of her homework on her own now, so we don't have fits every night cause "She CAN'T do it" yes CAN'T is a potty word in our house too, but so is shit and I still say that. Spunky keeps recording herself singing on her itouch and she is really awesome, I think!

Taz is in love with the cute girl that sits next to him. He has lots of friends, read ok and is going to do it all again next year so he's not as behind like the girls were. I finally have a teacher that supports my ideas and for that I'm SO grateful. Taz is so fun and I enjoy playing with him, he always wants to be doing something, yep he's mine.

The Rock, the Rock, the Rock I don't know if I'll ever be able to leave his conferences without crying. Like I said before I love talking about his miracles, what he does do: hugs, kisses, can now mimick "I love you", run, climb, sit through church, comprehends so much more than 6mo. ago. I know you need to know where you're at in order to move on, I don't want to live in denial, the hard cold facts are still hard, cold and painful. The Rock turned four and is still at an 15-18mo old speech delay

18-24mo old social delay

18-24mo old fine motor delay

36 mo old gross motor delay

I know all of this and so may you, but I just see my son day in and day out and just want him to know he's loved and I know he does. Its a balancing act between finding peace with where you are at and hoping for much more so I don't expect any less of him than he is capable of.

All of my children are AMAZING individuals and I just hope that my love is enough, because I can't do much more than just love them. Love is Enough!

Punky is 11!!!

Punky also wanted to go shopping so just her and Mom went out! We started at Claire's where she bought all the accessories she is wearing (nerdy glasses, tiara, sash and owl necklace). She HAD to wear them all! We then went to a few other stores where she purchased this adorable outfit and something to wear to the Christina Perri concert. The girls invited one friend to watch the movie Soul Surfer. It was a great day! We are so blessed to have the girls in our lives. Lately Punky has been rattling off all kinds of inspiring thoughts in difficult situations. We are really grateful for her sweet spirit and loving personality. She has brought PEACE to our minds and hearts.

9 out of 12

Great News......the Rock has been given a publicly funded spot (free for us) at Carmen Pingree School for children with autism. We are so grateful for this opportunity and feel that it is a great blessing for all of us.

Carmen Pingree's approach is different from what we have been doing so there will be a lot of learning for all of us. I feel that it will give the Rock the ability to reach his potential. He has already come so far and we know that he will continue to succeed.

When you are accepted you go through an evaluation to make sure your child is a good fit. We spent 3hours at the school yesterday for this evaluation. The Rock was evaluated by an ABA trained teacher, the Speech Pathologist and the Psychiatrist. I was evaluated by the Psychiatrist (yes about Hagen, not me, that would have taken more than three hours....right?). I thought I was going to be way more emotional during this evaluation, but when it was over I was still laughing. When the Psychiatrist was done talking to me he handed me a piece of paper that showed me the 9 out of 12 autism characteristics the Rock has.

It was then my turn to ask questions, so I asked him the one that everyone asks me......"How autistic is he? or He doesn't look autistic, he must be high functioning. or Are you sure?" BTW These are all very rude, judgemental and very hurtful. He then said "He has 9 out of 12, he not mild. Mild would be 2 or 3, he has 9, he is right in the big middle." He then explained that the real question is "How is he functioning in four areas, Gross Motor/Fine Motor/Speech/Social?" Right now the Rock is at age level for Gross Motor, 24mo age for Fine Motor, 15mo age (preverbal) for Speech and Social. So..............no he is not at this time high functioning or anything else, just deep in the depths of autism, doing everything he can to succeed.

He is such a sweet loving little boy. That really lights up a room if you let him. It was so fun yesterday because everyone is always all gushy over him. He is doing so well and we are so proud of him and all the children and how well we all are able to work together. Finding PEACE within our pieces of life. PEACE by PIECE it will all fit together.