MY TRUTH as I live it

Oh my goodness, I'm going to do this, I feel like I have to do this, what have you started 
Lars's TRUTH is beautiful and inspiring and the reason I feel like sharing my TRUTH with you today.
I like to focus on all that I'm grateful for, to write about the good times and all that I'm in love with. I believe we need to focus on gratitude, however because this sometimes seems to be all someone might know of us we compare our life to theirs. This quote says it perfectly.


So today as I was laying in my bed crying (it's now 2pm), literally not able to get out I realize I need to share this side. So here I am exposing my vulnerable and all too REAL TRUTH,
so you can see glimpse behind-my-scenes and realize we've all got a story.

This is the face of the woman I want to be everyday. This is the face that I want to believe I am.
Bright eyes, smiling, full of energy and the mindset to take on all that the world and God throw at me. The ability to love and feel that I can handle all that I've been given because it is MUCH.


I believe I am this woman most days but only because I mentally fight this face (below) away EVERYDAY.
{scary face}

I've never taken a picture of me in this state and let me tell you, it haunts me.
This is the face of despair, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, emptiness, exhaustion and loss. 
This roller-coaster we call life has the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. 
We all feel these emotions through out our lives, however for me and for so many others that fight the good fight against mental limitations (depression, anxiety) it's sometimes more than I can bare and I end up with this face showing through. 

I hate taking medication and have now figured out for me an emotional checks and balances. Unfortunately for my husband that means I need him to step in and take over when I've reached my limits and I'm about to fall off the edge of sanity into the abyss of hell. It's a fine line to ride on a daily basis and a burden for my entire family to carry. 

Life doesn't turn out the way we want, expect or imagine it to be. 
I didn't expect to fight depression and anxiety all the time. I never wanted my husband to travel all over the world away from us. I imagined all my kids would have an easy time learning and would sail right through school. I imagined only the good times, laughing through the highs and lows.
It's life and I am not in control, no matter how much I'd like to be. The only way through it, is straight through, hopefully into the light and laughter.

We all find balance in different ways. For me I love projects, friends and laughing. I live for these moments to lift me up and push me straight through life and to give me PEACE.
I pray everyday to be a light in the life of someone else, I believe that's what life is all about....RELATIONSHIPS and how we are the PEACE for each other. 

I am so grateful for my dear husband, family, friends and strangers who are answers to my prayers. 
ON TO PEACE FILLED HAPPY DAYS!


10 comments:

  1. You are so inspiring. You and Lara are two of my favorite people. You are so brave to post this and be so honest. Thank you. I think you are wonderful and it is just what I needed to hear. I suffer from depression and anxiety too. Today was a hard day and this post meant so much to me, as I am sure it will to so many people.

    xoxoxoxoxo
    Jen

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  2. Love the honesty in this post and so glad I have been able to get to know you better. You are a light to many others! I love it when people get real and I think it helps so many people in ways that you will probably never know!
    xoxo

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  3. Love this and I love you! I think you're amazing and one of my angels.

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  4. We all have things in our lives that bring us down from our high hopes, but you know what...YOU make me feel so amazing. I know that you do this for ALL those that surround themselves around you. Thanks for writing this. Don't let it get you down too much...It won't rain all the time. LOVE YOU.

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  5. Jen, Amy, Heidi, Sis you ladies are MY HEROS! Thank you SO much for your support on this post especially. I almost pulled it right before it posted because I was SO scared, but for some reason I needed to let it out today. I pray it really is helpful for you and others. All my love to each of you and hugs!!

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  6. Oh my gosh!!! Are you kidding me? This made me ugly cry. Did you know that with everything else....I have anxiety and depression too? Yep. It's the truth. I do take medicine for mine. And I would be MORE than happy to talk to you about it ANY time. It has changed my life.

    But on a completely other note, sharing your truth is so SCARY. But it is helpful for others. Amazingly so. I think we just see what we want to see as we look at our "idols" or people we want to emulate...and don't know that they have stuff too. Like I always say, "Dude. Everybody farts."

    I can just imagine your trepidation as you pushed publish. And I'm so proud of you. I would LOVE to get to know you better. Unfortunately I'm never at events anymore. But one day....one day.

    I am always available to computer talk. Best invention ever.

    Congrats to you on letting your truth be told. And congrats to me on the longest comment of all times. With love....L

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  7. Thank you for the post, it was great to get to know you better. In my 'Peaces' blog, I also try to focus on happy things, because I believe that is the attitude to have. Needless to say, I am not perfect at it, but I try. I hope you have an amazing rest of your day! And the day after that, and the day after that. Okay, done rambling, I hope that made sense.

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  8. I think there is a fear of being depressed in our society. Life is very very tough and mothers are expected to do so much. I applaud you for writing this post. I haven't have a shower in 3 days and I don't know how I am going to make it through tomorrow. I don't take medication. I take it one day at a time and I accept my limitation. My failures and all my insecurities. I think we have to live it to know it. I believe that empathy is a rare personality gift. You are a wonderful. Loving woman and you are beyond precious in my eyes.

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  9. You are the best Cobi! I mean it... THE BEST!

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