Oh my goodness, I'm going to do this, I feel like I have to do this, what have you started
Lars's TRUTH is beautiful and inspiring and the reason I feel like sharing my TRUTH with you today.
I like to focus on all that I'm grateful for, to write about the good times and all that I'm in love with. I believe we need to focus on gratitude, however because this sometimes seems to be all someone might know of us we compare our life to theirs. This quote says it perfectly.
So today as I was laying in my bed crying (it's now 2pm), literally not able to get out I realize I need to share this side. So here I am exposing my vulnerable and all too REAL TRUTH,
so you can see glimpse behind-my-scenes and realize we've all got a story.
This is the face of the woman I want to be everyday. This is the face that I want to believe I am.
Bright eyes, smiling, full of energy and the mindset to take on all that the world and God throw at me. The ability to love and feel that I can handle all that I've been given because it is MUCH.
I believe I am this woman most days but only because I mentally fight this face (below) away EVERYDAY.
I've never taken a picture of me in this state and let me tell you, it haunts me.
This is the face of despair, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, emptiness, exhaustion and loss.
This roller-coaster we call life has the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.
We all feel these emotions through out our lives, however for me and for so many others that fight the good fight against mental limitations (depression, anxiety) it's sometimes more than I can bare and I end up with this face showing through.
I hate taking medication and have now figured out for me an emotional checks and balances. Unfortunately for my husband that means I need him to step in and take over when I've reached my limits and I'm about to fall off the edge of sanity into the abyss of hell. It's a fine line to ride on a daily basis and a burden for my entire family to carry.
Life doesn't turn out the way we want, expect or imagine it to be.
I didn't expect to fight depression and anxiety all the time. I never wanted my husband to travel all over the world away from us. I imagined all my kids would have an easy time learning and would sail right through school. I imagined only the good times, laughing through the highs and lows.
It's life and I am not in control, no matter how much I'd like to be. The only way through it, is straight through, hopefully into the light and laughter.
We all find balance in different ways. For me I love projects, friends and laughing. I live for these moments to lift me up and push me straight through life and to give me PEACE.
I pray everyday to be a light in the life of someone else, I believe that's what life is all about....RELATIONSHIPS and how we are the PEACE for each other.
I am so grateful for my dear husband, family, friends and strangers who are answers to my prayers.
ON TO PEACE FILLED HAPPY DAYS!