venting, spiting, crying, confused fit

I know I can write this because no one reads this anyway, Right? I am so confused with life right now on so many levels. #1 I don't understand why being a SAHM is so hard for me. Everyone else seems to be loving it. #2 I don't understand why we have to have 10 trials at the same time instead of 1 at a time. All 10 are big ones not just I bumped my head and stubbed my toe. #3 I don't understand why we are not suppose to talk about our trials and if I do I feel week and that I have failed the test of life. #4 I don't understand why it is either funny, wrong, or sad to have a belief in something. Is it just me or does it seem that ex-mormons have the most to say about what they hate about the church. I rarely find someone from another faith spouting off about how their faith did them wrong. Ultimately it is always your choice and your reality. I don't go looking for anything about mormons but I always find something about how it sucks to be mormon or why it's wrong. Why is it I have to go to lds.org to read anything good about the mormon faith. #5 I don't understand why going to work is easier than staying home with kids. #6 I don't understand why men and women have to be so different that they never ever will completely understand each other. #7 I don't understand why once we have figured out who we are and what we are good at, it is taken away. #8 I don't understand why our plans especially when they are really good ones never work out the way we want to. #9 I don't understand why I have to write this thinking it will make me feel better in any way. I'm sure it's not, so no need to try and answer any of these. #10 I don't understand why we can't just live the life we WANT TO and nobody else is going to put it down, tell me no, or make me feel ridiculous. That's enough for now and forever, but I'm sure it won't be and that there won't ever be answers for any of these that I want to hear.

7 comments:

  1. Love You Cobi! I'm right there with you!

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  2. I know you said don't answer, but let me try my hand at this (disclaimer: I am sure that I am wrong, but what the hell) #1 Being a SAHM is hard. Hardest thing to do that is why so many women choose to work. Yes, I said choose. I love my days at work. I hate saying that, but I love time to be an adult and have responsibilities that have immediate consequences/rewards. BUT, I hate knowing that I am not giving my girls the very best. Because the very best thing for ANY child is their mother. Even if we don't always enjoy being there it means the most. #2 I really believe that you are only given to deal with what you can handle. You are one strong ASS woman and you can take on a lot more than you think. (SOMEONE believes this, I know I do). #3 Please talk. It has to start with someone. I feel like everywhere we are all so impersonal about everything. Here we are talking through the internet rather than calling each other up and saying what we need. I am here whenever you need me! #4 Being an Ex-Mormon I can tell you that "we" (in general) think that we have something figured out. I have really come to the realization that no one has a clue. There is nothing funny, wrong, or sad to believe in anything. I believe in "Climate Change" which most people laugh in my face about. I think that most people want to tell their story. On the internet or in the news is the best way to get out your story good or bad. If you have a true belief in something though, I think you find outlets within that belief to spread your news. And, honey, you live in the Mormon capital of the world of course the disagreement is going to be stronger here than anywhere else. There is more to fight with. #5 At work you can focus on something usually you are good at (the reason you got the job) at home you may not be good at all the things thrown at you, talking with kids, teaching, patience, understanding, the list is endless for SAHM's. You wear so many hats it is unbelievable. #6 Tough one. I think that they can understand each other when they are both willing to try. I also think though this is the same for any two people. Think back to being a kid and growing up. Did your family completely understand you? probably not. This is our lot in life, to try and actually understand others. #7 Life? Struggles? To learn a lesson? Your guess is as good as mine. #8 Not a good answer for that one either. I am still working on this myself. #9 I am trying to answer these. The reason you are writing is to get it out there to the void. In hopes that maybe not me, but someone will answer your questions and give you some real answers. (I am probably not that person) #10 Don't listen. Live the life you want. I think this is the point. There are always going to be outside voices telling you otherwise, but it is your choice to listen or do what you want.

    I love you. I hope that things look better tomorrow. The sun will come out tomorrow.

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  3. I dont know what SAHM is .... and i dont have a whole lot of knowledge about bieng a mom and stuff. I do know that it's easier to go to work than to be at home because at work you dont have to deal with drama and 5 million expectations. At work you only have so much responsibility. you can forget about all the stuff that is bothering you at home. i know lately i'd rather be at work than at home... I also am not a mormon and what i've realized is that many people dont really understand the church and book of Mormon. It's kinda of taboo for some reason. It's not as common and it's not talked about in schools or church. You know i learned about Jewish beliefs in church but we never learned about mormons. i know what i know from what my mom has told me and what nana and papa has told me and from my own observations. People dont realize there are different types of mormons and all they see are the publicized bad side ; mormons who broke off from the original church and are polygamist. It's sad. So many people dont know much about mormon's and what its about. It's closed mindness. People are stupid and Naive. I have to say i've always been super curious but i also have always looked up to you guys. I feel like you guys have it all figured out and have happy lives. Here i am turning 24 with a degree that has no meaning at this point working 2 dead end jobs and living at home. idk. i feel like no one really has life figured out even if they think they do... god has his own plan and things will all work out eventually. Everything happens for a reason. i dont know if anything i just said made sense but i hope i said something that helps you..Love you

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  4. Hey Cobi! This is April (Patty's daughter) and Natti invited me to look at her blog and so I thought I would catch up on the rest of ya. I have to say I agree with you 100%. Thanks for writing this. It is nice to know that others are thinking the same thing as me. I guess it is true to say that missery truly loves company.Lol! Life can really stink sometimes and mostly is hard. But I try to tell myself that its those little moments that make it all worth it. I hope that life gets better for you and well..for all of us. If you ever want to vent and know someone is listening here is my email. aprildonohue@yahoo.com Thanks again! -April

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  5. I think if your family knew exactly what you were going through we could share your burden and you won't have to carry it alone. Its not whimpy to ask for help. Its not whimpy to vent. Its human and we are here to help each other so let us help. Even if its just a listening ear. Love you

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  6. I saw this quote today and thought of you. I love you...
    I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

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  7. I think this says it is Ronalds google accout but I am really Mary Ann. a couple of things about what you said. first of all being a SAHM is the hardest job on the planet and anyone who says difrent is lying. It is also the most rewarding. You will never regret staying home but you might regret going to work. It is easier if you have some one to talk to about it and get a support group of other mothers.
    I have never head that you should not talk about your trials. Talking about them helps you organise your mind so you can deal with it. Venting is good for the sole and sould be done often. You need some one you can vent to that wont be judgmental. Also husbands are not the best ones to vent to because they are geared to fixing things. You dont need someone to fix it and when they try it only makes you mad. At least that is the way I am. Talking about things helps you organise it in your mind so you can deal with it.
    Hang in there and some day you will look back on this and miss it. I know I do even with the crazy house I had.
    Love you Mary Ann

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