Life Lessons Learned Over and Over and......

So I've decided to write on my blog again in hopes that if it's out here then it won't be in my head any more and help me figure things out. Yesterday was an enlightening day for me and Heman. Life has not been a bed of roses and much more like a fire pit. I have a new title for our family to go with a new out look. With all that has been going on I have felt like our lives are in pieces and I can't find or be the glue to put us back together. What kinds of pieces you might be wondering well here they are and the life lessons I have to keep learning over and over and over again. #1 We were recently told that well of course things are hard right now moving across country once let alone twice in 8mo. is life changing and usually very difficult to deal with (no duh! I didn't need to hear that). the glue or answer is....don't look back you might be turned to salt, like Lot's wife. God has a plan and as long as you are seeking for HIS way you will be where he wants you to be. #2 I have to be the leader (I know you are all stunned at this news)and I am not feeling like I have value if I can't produce income in some way. Being the leader, boss, manager validates me as a person and I don't know how to do this. I kept wanting to find something outside of home. I wanted to work with Heman (another piece). I have felt lost and unsure of my purpose. the glue or answer is...you are the leader, the boss, the Manager Of Mayhem (M.O.M.). All the executive roles I wanted to have and need to feel validated are all in the home if change my perspective and realize that I do have value to my loved ones. #3 We have been sick for one, two or three weeks out of every month for the last eight months for no reason other than the fact that I don't think you are suppose to move across country twice in one year. It throws your body out of wack. So to say the least having a workout schedule has been impossible. Some might think that's great but for Heman and SheRa it stinks and it feels like part of you is missing and something extra is growing around my stomach. #4 Punky and Spunky have been struggling in school. I of course took this to be a reflection of bad mothering. the glue or answer is....out sourced help. Did you know that resource in school is not just for the mentally disabled? Did you know that resource is for students that are extremely bright but have some sort of learning disability that doesn't let them perform to their potential? Had I known this I would have asked for testing years ago. My daughters are bright, intelligent girls that have a hard time putting everything together. I thought that that is what I've been saying all these years and no one was listening. NOW they are and the girls are getting help. #5 Taz in the midst of all the crumbling of our pieces is twirling around begging for more attention (literally as I write). It's the nature of the beast I guess. the glue or answer is...do my best, I don't have any other ideas, right now. #6 In November of 2009 the Rock was diagnosed with Autism (wow to write this makes it that much more real). It's been a roller coaster of emotions just with this piece of our lives. the Rock has been in therapy for the last four months. Yes we have been blessed with progress little by little and yet a few steps back. We have hope that because we have learned about this so early we have ahead start and will be able to give our son the best and the most of what he needs. More will come as we move forward. the glue or answer is....faith and hope in the future. #7 Heman's new job! I have this vision of working side by side with Heman. When something new came into the picture I felt I was being pushed out. I'm his partner not anyone else, right? He kept saying God has given him this opportunity to provide for our family and I saw it as God punishing me and taking everything I need away. Why would God do this to me? the glue or answer is....God's not doing this to me, he's doing for someone else. Heman is where God wants him and if I change my perspective I can help and be there for someone else as well. So sad that I had to learn this lesson in particular twice in one year. I hope I don't have to again. It stinks feeling like God has abandoned you, when really he's right there just waiting for you to open your eyes to the whole picture. #8 FEAR, I have felt so much fear for the last I don't know how long, years (seriously). Even though I know that fear and faith can NOT exist together I still thought I was doing a good enough job enduring. NOPE! I had to experience for myself the words I had to say to a friend 31/2 yrs ago, YOU HAVE TO CHOOSE FAITH! I wish I didn't have to learn that one first hand, but I did, even though inside I already knew it. It is my hope that as I have shared bits and pieces of our pieces with you that you can learn from me. I hope that I can give you hope and faith for the future. Pres. Boyd K. Packer, once said,"If you are helpless, he is not. If you are lost, he is not. If you don't know what to do next, he knows. It would take a miracle you say? Well, if it takes a miracle, why not?"